Dear Guy,
And yet, there it is! That ascending restlessness, concomitantly
with physical distress, harbinger of an announced decampment.
You are the world champion in “When your doubts
gradually prevail and translate into physical ailments”.
We both know the diagnosis. At the end, the experience
counts!
Craving for different light, hills, waters and other
earth. Yearning for unknown landscapes and known people, not necessarily in
that order.
There is that moment when one realizes that
Godot will never come. Meanwhile you have been into all the protagonists and
you and I are like Vladimir and Estragon.
It is there, undeniable, when an abundance of
space makes you anxious and your mind escapes in painted landscapes delimited
by frames.
One can compare it with a seed; once planted….
Before, that means at previous occasions, that
returning nervousness was not bothering you that significantly. At the contrary
it was triggering you; a signal for undoubted change. Now your age is the
perfect excuse for prudence. But do you believe it yourself?
I never noticed any fear about what the others
could think but replace ‘fear’ with ‘important’. You see what I mean? The
opinion of your beloved ones has always prevailed as the sum of their support
has made that not so easy life of you possible. Taking their views into account
has been an act of honor and your fidelity has no limits.
And your fidelity has no limits, go and tell
them again and again.
Why is it, that for the first time you hesitate
to ask for guidance, views, opinions?
You doubt about their intentions towards you? Are you anxious for disapprobation?
You have learnt so many times that being unsuccessful
not necessarily means failure. Experience made you stronger; mmm, did it? But
there is that weakness deep in you that only I and you are sharing, well that
is what at least you prefer to think. Leaving
people behind is the hardest and we have defined it in a previous letter as
unbearable. ‘Life goes on’ has been too many times a tragedy for you as you
have never been able to mourn for that one person. Saying goodbye, cuts you in
pieces over and over again and for the first time you have doubts that making a
new start is not really a new beginning.
The coming period you will weigh it up.
Read your poetry, especially those words and
sentences wherein you use variations on light and color; they have brought you
consolation and strength. And when some phrases make you cry as much as when
you wrote them it means that they comfort you, as tears are the most honest
expression of your feelings.
I wrote you this letter to ease your low back pain. I hope it cures, rather than the drugs.
Yours always,
Guy
___
No comments:
Post a Comment