Lost memories
Dear Guy,
You have referred to it in Maybe (http://reportedlyreported.blogspot.nl/2012/07/maybe.html)
and the absence of pictures in your journey throughout the years here has been a lifelong traumatic
experience, and a returning distress, since the day you found the empty spaces
in the so called family album(s).
One had a
bordeaux brown cover, the other was dark green; both leather, meant to sustain
at least a lifetime. While the first one had some carved leaves decoration the
latter was anonymously smooth. If you still wonder why the thick black ecru
carton pages were separated by thin transparent interleaves, it was meant to
avoid the pictures to adhere to one another. Photo corners were used to display
the small b & w pictures with jagged edges inclined or right-angled
depending on the creative mind who had compiled the album.
Till there your
albums were comparable to any other 20th Century photo album.
The unusual part
was that once opening them you were confronted with a lot of empty pages only
decorated with lost photo corners. Sometimes people are taking a photo to show
to friends at the office or at school but it was clear that in this case we
could speak of a systematic purge of pictures with probably a specific topic or
portraying (a) certain person(s). Do you remember the forgotten texts under
most of the stolen tableaux, carefully written with a white chalk pen? Spa
19XX. Nonceveux 19XX. Le Ninglinspo
19XX. Stoumont, l’Ambleve 19XX, Remouchamps, les grottes 19XX, Coo, cascade
19XX and then some leftovers of an empty motorcycle and a lonely little boy
playing with a twig in a puddle of rain water, a cage with a canary, yes, it’s
name was Pitchou.
It ends with a
mother saying that the father took the photos when he left, but vaguely you
remember a forgotten envelope in the corner of a drawer... To each their own
truth.
After your mum’s
dead, an event that came to your knowledge one year later as you broke with
your mother, years before, you had to find out that all of her possessions were
sold or burnt by a wholesale buyer. Despite a six month seal on the apartment
where she was living in the last years of her life in a self chosen solitude, a
lawyer company designated by a district judge decided that they couldn't find
you and ordered the emptying of the flat. Certificates, diplomas and yes the photo
albums all perished probably in an oven or a stove. Ashes to ashes. Or
considering the, at that time faded- but previously recorded beauty of the ol’
maam, you can maybe find some remains on a flea market in Brussels or in Gent.
Would you be
ready to repurchase your own past? You probably would as now sometimes you feel
coming from another planet, an alien with your own Lara Lor-Van mother and
Jor-El daddy. We have to confess that you’re far from a superman and, as far as
we know, you got more of your mom’s characteristics than your father’s.
Oh yes you have
a birth certificate! The archives of the Gent’ city administration are
preserved since we had no war anymore in this part of Europe after your birth.
Count your blessings!
Shortly after
you knew that your mother died you contacted the Gent’ Police as your father
was a police officer to find out more about him. It is still a guess to me why
you waited that long to investigate about him? A silent respect for the woman
who raised you solely?
You knew already
the circumstances wherein he died but thanks to Steven de Smet, Police Head Commissioner
from the Gent’ Police Force you got more details about your dad’s family, yours
(?), your half brother and throughout all this you received some pictures.
Recognizing the
physical resemblance creates a good sense and photos are an invaluable medium
in that process. For the rest you felt as an intruder in someone’s private life
and the contacts you had with his relatives were short, unsatisfactory and they
petered out.
The absence of
photo material of your mother is equally frustrating as by absence of the
physical resemblance it is very difficult to tell the world her beauty as for
her character build of passion, incalculable, tough…
You have only
the eyes of your best friends to testify but after all those years building a
robot photo would be a caricatural exercise.
For now, Guy, I
know how pictures of your beloved ones are important to you. Undeniably
important as you are so frightened to loose someone’s image that you love. The
age of digital photography is a god send for you, but having the printed
pictures framed all around the corners of your living space witnesses the need
to never forget your relatives as you didn't choose to end your life in
loneliness.
Kind thoughts,
Guy.
soulfull :)
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